Revised Query Letter/Synopsis - Reader's Comments

This is the revised Query Letter/Synopsis I have generally included with my most recent attempts to gain representation.  For those who have completed reading the book and would like to leave comments (favorable or otherwise), do so at the bottom of the post.

Thanks,
Jon B. South

Dear (agent),

            I would like you to represent my 103,000-word science fiction thriller 3G2.

For ten years Eli Gould was certain that only he knew about his incredible powers until one fateful night when everything unraveled, and he quickly learned that it wasn’t a secret at all.

3G2 is a story with just one plot, though features four separate narratives that initially seem unrelated. As the novel progresses each of the storylines fits like a puzzle piece into the greater picture of Eli Gould, his powers, and all that are aware of them.

One story is of Dr. David Ho, a geneticist for the CIA who is quite aware that his career is likely nearing the end, after years without any meaningful assignments.  One morning he gets called into a meeting that not only turns his feelings of inadequacy upside down, but forever changes his life.  Through the doctor’s perspective, the reader learns, with the help of a brilliant researcher named Sanila Abburi, the origin of Eli’s power and the scope of the operation hell bent on neutralizing it.

Another tale follows Moussa Tchamou, a young CIA operative whose ability to elude capture and collect sensitive material has put his services in high demand.  With one initiative ending, and nothing following directly on the heels, Moussa chooses to help a friend out, against his better judgment, and it leads him to Chicago where he soon realizes the gravity of the situation. For most of the story, if not all of it, he is arguably the book’s real super hero.

The point of origin of Eli’s incredible power is explained by taking the reader through a tale of tragedy, desperation and love.  Alice Bloemfeld is held captive at Dachau Camp in the waning days of World War II.  More than eight months after being forcibly impregnated through in vitro fertilization as part of an experiment to test a doctor’s theory of gene dominance, she now must rely on that same Nazi doctor to not only protect her unborn child (Eli’s father) but also herself.

The primary narrative follows a young man with an extraordinary gift he only recently has learned to control, and not knowing the true extent of its capabilities, keeps largely to himself.  Eli Gould remains ignorant of the chain of events unfolding around him, distracted by the beauty and affection of Maura Kenny, a potential love interest. All semblances of normalcy crumble as he, as well as Maura, discover that not only is his secret out, but that his life may be in danger.

Aside from being a science fiction and suspense novel, 3G2 is also a work of historical fiction, a romantic comedy incorporating popular culture, and a brief exploration into the science of evolution, among other things.  But, most of all, it is a story of normal people, save maybe one character, and the behavior they exhibit under extraordinary circumstances.

After researching the type of projects that you enjoy representing, I feel confident that this type of story is right up your alley.  I have the entire manuscript, as well as a more detailed one page synopsis ready for your request, and will be looking forward to hearing from you in the future.

Thanks, Jon B. South